


To Fall Apart (And Back Together) Again

by WrittenFire



Series: Whumptober 2019: Mcdanno Style [14]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Steve McGarrett, Steve McGarrett Has Issues, Steve McGarrett Has PTSD, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27071134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenFire/pseuds/WrittenFire
Summary: Steve and Danny try something new in the bedroom, with unforeseen consequences. But with some help, Steve will find his way to a new, healthy normal.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: Whumptober 2019: Mcdanno Style [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1503434
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	To Fall Apart (And Back Together) Again

**Author's Note:**

> So this was definitely inspired by an early relationship, Cristina and Owen moment from Grey's Anatomy. It was intense, and when I saw the asphyxiation prompt, it was the first thing to come to mind. Really like this one, honestly.
> 
> Day nine: Shackled & Day 19: Asphyxiation

_ Then _

The second those handcuffs clicked into place, Steve knew the night was shot. Things had been going so well up until that point. Steve and Danny had fallen into bed, sharing biting kisses, hands eagerly scrambling to touch everything. It was as eager and hot as their first time together, and they had been exploring new things in bed recently… 

Steve really thought he would do well with the handcuffs, but the moment they were locked around his wrists—his arms held up above his head—the world around him faded away, and his mind was brought back to a hostage situation he wished he could forget. It was one of his first missions, and thanks to bad intel he and a few of his fellow servicemen had been captured and tortured before the rest of their team was able to locate and retrieve them.

There had been counselling over it, but Steve had mostly dealt with it by shoving the memories of the incident to the back of his mind and building a wall around it. He should have known that the decision would come back to bite him in the ass, someday, but he stupidly never thought he would find someone he would feel safe enough around for this to even be a problem. 

If he were to be wholly honest, for a long time Steve hadn’t even been sure he would stay alive long enough for his issues to rear their ugly head. It was a terrifying thought, now that he had so much more to live for than he had before.

But here he found himself, in a relationship with a man who he wanted to spend the rest of his (hopefully long) life with, and he was fighting to find his way back—to him, and to reality. Locked on Danny’s voice, Steve eventually came back to himself, gradul awareness seeping in that his hands were free and in front of him, Danny sitting a safe distance away. 

He might have frozen beneath Danny, or become violent; either way, Danny trying to bring Steve back from his own dark memories was safer from a distance. Steve knew that Danny noticed the returned clarity when the blond relaxed before him, hands reaching out to gently cradle Steve’s own. 

“You back with me, babe?” Danny asked softly, ducking his head to make eye contact when Steve looked away from him. “We okay?”

“Yeah, Danny,” Steve answered on a shaky exhale, meeting Danny’s eyes once again with a sad smile. “Sorry ‘bout that. Really thought that would be okay.” 

“Don’t apologize, babe. We’re okay, and now we know,” Danny assured him softly. 

“Right.” Steve nodded and locked their hands together. “Cuddle me to sleep?” He hesitated to ask, but if there was one person Steve knew that he could be vulnerable in front of it was Danny. In fact, the man regularly encouraged Steve to ask for what he needed, so he knew that he wouldn’t be teased or denied this. 

And as expected Danny replied with a loving, “Of course, babe,” and Steve soon found himself wrapped tightly in his lover's embrace, nose buried in Danny’s throat, taking in the wonderful scent that was his partner’s. Between that, the hands stroking soothingly through his hair and down his spine, Steve fell into an uneasy sleep. 

  
  


_ Now _

  
  


“Hey, I’m Steve, and I have PTSD.” 

It was his fourth meeting since that disastrous night, and he always dreaded his turn to share.

“Four weeks ago, my partner and I were enjoying our time alone together and handcuffs were introduced to the bedroom.” 

Sharing such intimate details about himself would never feel right, but it was needed. 

“I went into my own head, but my partner was quickly able to help me out of it. When I had calmed down, we fell asleep.” 

This part of the story would never be easy to tell, but was important to say, even though Steve would never be able to forget it. 

“When I woke, it was because my partner had hit me upside the head with our alarm clock. I’d slipped into a nightmare while asleep and when he tried to calm me...I choked him.”

The silence after he shared that always felt heavier than when he started—as it should be. What he did was no small thing.

“After…” Deep breath, in and out. “After he was looked over and everything was—calmed down, it was decided that I would start therapy, and join a group for Veterans and Servicemen dealing with PTSD.” Steve gnawed on the inside of his lip, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. 

“Today, if the counselling session after the group goes well, my partner and his ex-wife have agreed to allow the kids to stay the night. It’ll be the first time since the incident.”

Danny had moved back into the house after two weeks of living with Chin—two hard, tense weeks of counselling, together and separate—but everyone had agreed it would be best to wait for Grace and Charlie to stay overnight again. Rachel had expressed concern over the kids being there while Steve was still unsteady, and he had agreed. He would never hurt them willingly (of course he wouldn’t!), but the counselling had dragged forth some nasty memories and Steve didn’t want them to see him in such a shaky mental state.

As it was, Steve had only seen them four times since that night; it was hard explaining to the kids that Uncle Steve needed time alone to heal without explaining the reason, but Danno’s kids were the best, and accepted the temporary normal so long as they were still able to talk with him on the phone.

“I’m hopeful that everything goes well today. There’s still work to do, but I have hope that our family will get back to normal—a new, better normal. Thanks.” 

Steve never would get the hang of ending his turn to share, but that was okay. He would forever go through the awkward five minute share, because at the end of the day, it helped him be able to go home to the love of his life. And Danny, Grace and Charlie would always be worth it, soul baring and all.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't write the actual scene, but having Steve be at a group, and mentioning that he's in therapy to handle his PTSD? Yeah, that I was more than happy to add. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please, let me know what you think!


End file.
